


Mirror, Mirror

by wunkind (guysinmyhead)



Series: The Golden Cathedral [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Growing, Growing Pains, Self Consciousness, Sort Of, body types, friends - Freeform, growth spurts, heart to heart, moderate teen angst, really not heavy on the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 01:20:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17315381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guysinmyhead/pseuds/wunkind
Summary: “I look like a fallen Victoria’s Secret Angel.”Yuuri, still smiling, shook his head.“You realize that, when we first met, you nicknamed me entirely based on what I looked like?”





	1. Chapter 1

“Should I be concerned?”

 

Katsuki’s voice broke Yuri from his contemplation. He’d zoned out for longer than he thought, everyone had left the studio. The kids he’d been helping Lilia’s working student with had disappeared into their mother’s cars. The student worker, it seemed, had left too. He forgot her name, Alex or Olivia or something. She was from England, hadn’t made it into the RBT and Lilia had scoffed saying it was because she was too talented. Yuri didn’t care to know why a ballet academy would reject a dancer just because she was too good.

 

He’d been spraying down the mirrors to close up. Katsuki must have been using one of the other ones and he hadn’t noticed. Lilia did that sometimes, let Katsuki close because he was a responsible adult. Yuri didn’t actually have his own key, but Yuuri did.

 

“Why would you be concerned?”

 

“You’re staring at yourself in a mirror and frowning.”He watched as Yuuri sat down on the floor. He hadn’t cleaned that yet, how long had he been standing here? “Should I be concerned?”

 

“I don’t look right, do I?” Yuri said finally. Katsuki could see right through him, unlike his stupid husband. “Do you think I’ll keep growing?”

 

“Are you asking about height or about whether you’ll fill out?” Yuuri smiled.

 

“I’m...small.”

 

“You’re probably a little taller than me.” The other Yuuri’s eyes sparkled. “I’m not very small.”

 

There was another moment of silence as Katsuki gave him a chance to say what was actually on his mind. Yuri tried to decide in that moment just precisely what it was that he’d been caught thinking about.

 

“You’re taller than Otabek.” Yuuri prompted him to speak again. He hated how good the older man was at this. Viktor could make him scream and childishly tantrum, or just curse him out and leave the conversation without much actual conversing. Yuuri was better than that. He made you speak. You didn’t want to curse him out. It was like Otabek, but less friendly and more...

 

He wasn’t about to say familial. Fuck that.

 

“My shoulders are too narrow. I can keep up on the machines with everyone else, but everyone else bulks and I just look like a legume—“ Katsuki laughed at that and Yuri continued. “—I hate it. Otabek looks like a fucking model and I look like a fallen Victoria’s Secret Angel.”

 

A beat.

 

“With a dick.”

 

Yuuri, still smiling, shook his head.

 

“You realize that, when we first met, you nicknamed me entirely based on what I looked like?”

 

“I was fifteen.”

 

“Believe it or not, that wasn’t that long ago.” He sighed. “I’m sorry you’ve become self-aware.”

 

“Yeah, it sucks. How the fuck did you deal with this?”

 

“I’m not sure how I deal with it.” Yuuri said, seeming very honest with the situation. “I learned to manage it at least. It just took a while to learn how to do it while still being healthy enough to be competitive.”

 

That made sense.

 

“You’re stuck with how you look for a while, Yuri.” Katsuki shrugged.

 

“You’re retiring after this season...”

 

“It’s not official.”

 

“But it is.” Yuri prodded.

 

“I’ve made a decision and I’m not Viktor.” Yuuri agreed. “Once I’m done, I’m done. I might not have any major injuries, but I’ve been doing this for a long time. It has a toll.”

 

Yuri thought about his knee. He’d almost entirely blocked out the twinges of pain, especially from standing still so long.

 

He was tempted to say something, to tell his coach’s husband about his situation. He was overworking himself to pay for the X-ray he’d already gotten because it’d come from the savings for his grandfathers next medication refill.

 

Yuuri waited patiently.

 

Yuri said nothing.

 

“Bodies aren’t all the same.” Yuuri said finally. “Viktor had PRP for his ankle when he was only 19. He’ll probably need a new hip way before me. He’s already complaining about his current one.”

 

“He complains about everything.”

 

“Because he’s very old,” Yuuri responded gravely with a nod of his head.

 

“He’d cry if he heard you saying that.” Yuri snorted.

 

“Probably.” Yuri glanced at the clock over Yuuri’s head. Wow. It had been forty-five minutes since the end of class. “You shouldn’t worry too much about what you look like, though. I know that’s rich coming from me, but you aren’t going to look like Otabek. You have some decidedly different genes.”

 

He was right. Yuri knew he was right. It was a hard pill to swallow, though. Part of him felt worse that he was talking to Yuuri about feeling too skinny.

 

Yuuri didn’t seem to care.

 

“You want help mopping up so I can lock up and leave?”Yuuri seemed to sense he didn’t want to talk anymore.

 

Yuri nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, Coach,” Yuri greeted when he heard the door open. Viktor wouldn’t be back for a while, Beka was scheduled now.

 

He was being as obedient as he could be. There was ice on his knee, a timer on his phone, a heat tech sleeve for when he was done in order to rapidly start the cycle again.

 

“Yes?” Yuuri glanced back at him as he brought a bag of groceries to the kitchen.

 

“I wanted to talk to you.”

 

“Ok.” He began unpacking in view of the couch, completely unphased.

 

“How did you do it?”

 

“Do what?” He hummed.

 

“Come out. Like, to your family.”

 

It was like time stopped. Yuuri stopped rifling through the bag, hands frozen mid-movement. It was like he was trying to rationalize a good response.

 

“Let me finish this,” He said finally, in a very soft voice. “Then we can talk.”

 

That was fair. Katsuki was serious about this sort of thing. He busted himself in the kitchen, probably collecting his thoughts while he did so. Water was put in the kettle. Yuri watched because even from the other room he could tell his coach’s hands were shaking a little.

 

“Tea?”

 

“What are you having?” Yuri asked.

 

“Chamomile.”

 

“Same.”

 

There was some stirring. Katsuki sat at the island for the full seep period before making up mugs and coming into the living room finally.

 

He sat down.

 

“You know, Viktor and I were only joking. You don’t have to come out right this second.”

 

“I’m dating a man, Katsudon.” Yuri rolled his eyes. “It’s going to happen.”

 

He seemed to think about that.

 

“My coming out isn’t really a crazy story.” His fingers drummed against the sides of the mug in his lap. “I was young. I kind of wish I’d waited until I really understood it all before I’d said anything—not that it was a lie, just that it would have saved me confusion down the line I think. Anyways, I was thirteen? Give or take and Takeshi said something about how I get all the girls because I’m in dance class and whatever else.

 

“That sent me on this crazy spiral for years. I was trying to play catch-up because he and Yuuko weren’t seeing each other yet but they were having middle school relationship-type things. You know, all silly and nothing serious. And I didn’t really see the appeal. Yuuko said it was just because I was so busy training, but they both skated, too.”

 

“I don’t need to know about your realization.” Yuri groaned.

 

“I know about yours.” Katsuki fucking _winked_ at him.

 

“I regret blurting that out in a moment of weakness—Viktor doesn’t know, does he?”

 

Yuuri didn’t answer, just continued his story.

 

“Flash forward to when I was fifteen. I was competing internationally by then and I was getting to know new people. It kind of had already clicked. I knew it somewhere between the comment and Junior World’s two years later I realized I really wasn’t interested in women at all. So I kind of did what you did and blurted it out one day at the rink and Yuuko slapped me.”

 

“She did what?!” Yuri liked Yuuko. Currently, even with triplets, she and her husband helped pay for his existence. To be fair, Yuri suspected a lot of the money actually came from Yuuri but he was trying to help the younger to save face.

 

“She didn’t mean to. She was...upset I hadn’t told her? She didn’t mean for it to be so aggressive. So she did that and Takeshi didn’t really seem to care but I found out later he was thrilled, if only because teenage-him decided that meant he could make a move on Yuuko. But then the focus was on my family.

 

“Honestly, I wasn’t going to tell them at all until I had someone to bring home. I figured, by that point I’d obviously be comfortable enough with myself to do something like that...”

 

“What changed?”

 

“I felt like I was lying.” He admitted with a blush. “So I told my mom and she hugged me and I begged her not to tell dad, but she said she’d have to tell him if he asked. She didn’t think it was fair to keep from him.”

 

“But she took it well?” Yuri asked again. “Right?”

 

He couldn’t imagine a world in which Yuuri’s mom wasn’t a perfect angel. She was always so sweet and kind.

 

“Um...no. Actually, Mari was the only one who took it well.” Yuuri sighed. “This is why I didn’t want to—ok. She didn’t take it badly. She just didn’t understand. It’s hard. It’s not...she said ‘I understand this is a confusing time in your life.’ Like I don’t overthink every little detail of everything, as if I hadn’t analyzed my sexuality for almost three years by then.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

Things suddenly seemed a lot scarier. The first time Yuuri and Viktor had brought up the idea of coming out was when they themselves had found out.Yuuri had seemed adamant that his grandfather would be fine with it, which is why he’d hoped he had a way to go about telling him. The fact that even the kindest, most perfect family in the universe had a hard time understanding their son made the whole ordeal a lot more stressful.

 

“So I didn’t talk about it for weeks. I just kind of pretended the conversation hadn’t happened and hoped to god every day when I would come home that my dad hadn’t found out because if mom didn’t seem to like it, dad definitely wouldn’t.”

 

“What changed?”

 

“Minako.”Yuuri snorted. “She found me one evening at her studio working myself ragged and I just kind of broke down and told her.”

 

Yuri wanted to ask how she took it, but didn’t get the change.

 

“She’s a dancer.”Yuuri reminded. “Different background. She didn’t care.Told me to get over myself—she might have been drunk—and that if I ever felt unsafe at home that I could come to her, but that I needed to give them a chance and stop wimping out.”

 

“Is that what you’re going to tell me?”

 

Yuuri laughed.

 

“No.Maybe?I don’t know. I don’t think you’re a coward for not wanting to share this part of your life with someone this important to you.You don’t want to lose him.”The older man took a sip of his tea, looking up over the rim of it at Yuri. “I’ll say that you’re pretty obviously safe here with us, if you need it. Viktor already considers you family.”

 

Yuri could feel his cheeks heat up and he took a silent sip of his own mug to keep from embarrassing himself. Dumb Viktor, thinking he was his kid brother or some shit.

 

“But you should try and give him a chance.”Yuuri reminded gently. “I ran away from it at the first sign of trouble, but really my parents don’t have any problems with it now. Or they don’t seem to, they show Viktor off to enough people as their son-in-law and I don’t think they’d do that if they were embarrassed. They just didn’t understand and I didn’t explain it to them or give them a chance to understand. Mari helped a lot, too.Although, I think once I got married she started to feel a little sour towards it.”

 

Yuri cocked his head to the side. Other than the fact Mari wasn’t dating anyone, he wasn’t sure why she’d be sour about anything concerning her brother’s relationship.

 

“Mom’s traditional. Wants grandchildren.Mari—uh—I’m not really sure, we’ve never talked about it. I think she’s just one of those people that never really wanted that for herself?”

 

“Oh…yeah that’s kind of unfortunate.”

 

“I don’t know though.”Yuuri grinned.It was that type of mischievous grin you never wanted to see from him, because it meant you were totally unprepared for what was going to happen next. Yuri had learned in his little while training with him that this particular smile was to be feared. “Maybe Viktor and I will surprise her.”

 

The thought of Viktor specifically raising a child was enough to make Yuri concerned for future emotional scarring. He’d have to step in and be the cool uncle.

 

They both lapsed into silence again, this time much more comfortable than the last.They had to drink their tea before it got cold, after all.

 

“Yuuri, did you know I was gay before I told you?”

 

Yuuri choked on his tea.

 

“No, I didn’t?I don’t really go around guessing people’s sexuality, not even before I was married. Why?”

 

“People used to assume I was and I just was concerned maybe my grandpa already knew.”

 

He seemed to think about that, too. Yuuri thought everything through, typically, before he spoke.It, too, reminded Yuri a little bit of his best friend.

 

“It’s like when you look at someone and you know they’re a dancer.There are certain things we just assume dancers are—like how they look or act or move.I think people do that all the time, we just make assumptions. It’s part of our survival instinct, it’s how we learn about the world.”He shrugged.“People didn’t usually think I was gay, unless they knew I skated because that’s it’s own stereotype.But, Viktor—“

 

“Is flamboyant.”Yuri said flatly.

 

“I was going to say he’s had a different experience from me, but ok.And that’s now a judgement you’ve passed and so presumably you’ve assumed he was gay.”

 

“It didn’t take much assuming, he’s pretty open about it—“

 

“Except he’s not.”Yuuri raised an eyebrow at him, as if begging Yuri to take the bait and challenge him.Yuri begged himself not to cave, but took the challenge anyways.

 

“What do you mean he’s not?”

 

“You have to ask him yourself.”

 

“Katsudon, what the fuck?”Yuri snapped.“You can’t drop a bomb like—you’re _married_ for fuck’s sake and you tell me he’s not _gay_ what is he?”

 

“He’s my husband, for starters.”Yuuri taunted, very childishly Yuri might add. “And he’s not gay, and he doesn’t like using a label because he says the ones available confuse him. I guess he’d identify closer to Otabek’s sexuality.”

 

“Is there a book on this shit?Seriously, what the fuck?”The younger groaned, sinking down in his seat a little more.

 

“You can ask him about it, if you want.”Yuuri pointed out.“Might help you understand better.I always think listening to other people helped me understand it all a little better.It certainly helped me explain it all to my parents.”

 

That was fair. Yuri had only just figured this all out for himself. He didn’t know much, other than what he’d determined in his own self-reflection.He’d been doing that a lot, recently, _reflecting._ He wished he’d been more aware of himself because he could go backwards now in his life and understand why he behaved a certain way. He could look back and understand he had a huge crush on the man sitting across from him when he was younger.He could understand that he probably felt something towards Otabek, too, when they’d first met. 

 

But, while he was still learning about himself he wasn’t sure how to go about navigating things—like _what_ to tell your family, aka why he was here.

 

“But for your initial question, I think if you want to tell him then just be honest.Be honest about everything, especially if he asks questions.If you shut down and get upset like I did, you make it harder on both of you.”

 

“Thanks.”Yuri nodded, eyes still a little unfocused as he tried to imagine what this conversation was going to have to look like. 

 

“Anytime.”

 

The older Yuuri made his way back into the kitchen, empty mug in his hand. Yuri watched after him, thinking it all over in his head as he watched Katsuki wash the mug in the sink. 

 

“Yuuri, if Viktor isn’t gay, do you ever get jealous?”

 

“Yuri, if Otabek isn’t gay, do you ever get jealous?”Yuuri repeated back to him. 

 

_Still an asshole._

**Author's Note:**

> All links in my Pseudo profile!  
> Find me on Patreon as [ Wunkind ](https://www.patreon.com/user?u=14554175)  
> Alternately as [ letsbringmomback ](%E2%80%9C) on Tumblr.  
>  Curious Cat  just for kicks, but my Tumblr is open to anonymous.


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